


I AIN'T SOFT

by Staringback



Category: Cuphead (Video Game)
Genre: Cuphead and Mughead are the devil's employees, Cuphead and Mugman are children, Fluff, King Dice POV, King Dice ain't soft, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 03:05:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12902601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Staringback/pseuds/Staringback
Summary: When Cuphead and Mugman forget to burn their own contracts, King Dice is the one who has to pay for it.





	I AIN'T SOFT

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished playing Cuphead, (and yes most of my hair is gone) and I absolutely love it and couldn't get this idea out of my head. Hope you all enjoy! <3

Ya think those two little brats would remember to burn their own contracts while they’s were burning all them other contracts, but I got kids …well I  **_used_ ** to have kids until I “landed” this gig as the Devil’s casino manager and after that they didn’t want nothing to do with me, not that I blame them none, sometimes I want nothing to do with me too, but when I  **_had_ ** kids, I learned that fer every ten smart things they do, they always manage to make one big doozy that screws everything up.

 

Same can be said for the “saviors” of the inhabitants of Inkwell Isle.  Despite how good them little dishware did, collecting all them soul contracts, giving me a good lickin’ (still can’t believe they knock a few of my teeth out and ruined my good suit), not to mention makin’ my boss cry like a little baby, all the while being able to take a good beating from everybody themselves,  tiny Cuphead and his little brother Mugboy (I’ll call him “Mugman” when he actually becomes a man) screwed up big time.

 

They was too worried about everybody else to worry ‘bout themselves and didn’t think none about their own contracts.  They didn’t think to demand theirs back when my boss was a sniveling and injured pathetic whelp waving his white flag of surrender around.

 

And I didn’t think much of reminding them when they passed on by me after their fight with my boss, their open empty heads held high in the air as they exited the casino.  Should of reminded them.  I really should of.  I really really really should've reminded them to get their contracts back, because it was only a matter of time before my boss got all healed up and used their contracts to his advantage.  

 

But I was still too angry and sore at the time to remind them and now I’m the one who's got to pay the price.  My boss, he ain’t letting this act of rebellion slide.   **_Hell no,_ ** he ain't.  Nobody messes with him and humiliates him that badly for him to let it go.  

 

Once he got his bearings back, got all healed up, and instilled the fear of Hell in all his other employees that may be laughing behind his back at his failure,  it was only a matter of time before the boss used those little dishheads’ soul contracts to dragged them back to the casino, strip them of their cute little gun powers and make them his, like he did to me once upon a time.

 

All I can tell you is don’t cheat at the craps table if you ever find your way at his casino.  He knows a dirty cheater when he sees one.  And he ain’t too nice about it either.  Lesson learned the hard way, I guess.

 

**_Heh._ **

 

Sorry ...now where was I?  Oh yeah.  My boss, now this is a stitch, you’ll find this funny,  he’s a bit egotistical, more so than me if that’s possible, and while he wants to make them brats suffer, he don’t want to look at them while he does it and I don’t blame him.  If I claimed I was the dark prince and got walloped by two little kids, I wouldn’t want to face them either, so what does he do?

 

Puts me in charge of the little brats is what he does.  I know he ain’t a good guy but man ...all I did was cheat at a game of dice and now I’m saddled with these two little imbeciles?  The devil, he really don’t have no heart.

 

But to be fair, it shouldn’t be so hard, ya know, putting the squeeze on those two.  I was just as humiliated as my boss was when they knocked me out cold, and you would be too, especially if you went out of yer way to write a song about yourself, detailing how great you are.

 

Another lesson to put in your pocket: don’t be cocky.  For as mean as the devil is, I’m gettin’ the feeling these days that God has a mean sense of humor himself.  

 

Sorry ...getting off topic again.  Now then, when the boss put me in charge of them, I ain’t gonna lie, I was pretty excited about makin’ their lives as my employees a nightmare.  Make them both the Cinderellas of the Casino.  Give them jobs that are too hard to do, limit their breaks, keep them apart, put them up in crummy little rooms far away from each other ...yeah, I ain’t a nice guy, but hey, I wasn’t that of a nice guy before I met the devil and you can only get worse once you’ve been employed by him.

 

Yeah, I was plannin’ on doing so many things to them, but ...okay, so here’s the problem:   once you take away those two little brats’ guns, all you have is two little scared brats.  All that happy-go-lucky confidence that I wanted to beat out of them is already been swiped from them.  

 

The smaller one,  **_Mugboy_ ** , he started crying even before I could open my mouth to give out my first order.  Now how am I supposed to react to that?!  And his brother, Cuphead, ...I ain’t never seen a look of guilt and despair so clearly visible on somebody’s face until the boss assigned me these two.  Don’t get it wrong,  **_it is_ ** that little brat’s fault for betting BOTH his and his brother’s souls, but does he have to look so ...wide-eyed and miserable about it?

 

I ain’t soft, don’t EVER mistake me for soft, I just ...well ya know, if they are already miserable why should I put in the extra effort when I got a casino to run?  Don’t make no sense if you ask me.  I AIN’T soft, this is all ‘bout runnin’ a smooth business.  If I’m distracted by those two, I can’t focus on more important things.

 

So with that in mind I let them work together, the customers don’t need to be scared off by two weepy little urchins.  That would be bad fer business.  If the devil needs more souls, it wouldn’t look too great if people see two overworked and unhappy children being forced to do unpleasant hardships for all eternity.  You know how many people would rather get honest jobs their chance their luck (and souls) at a rigged game if they saw something like that?

 

Course, those boys they don’t understand that’s my way of thinkin’.  For as smart as they were with those guns of theirs and makin’ strategies for fightin’ all them people , they’re as stupid as bags of rocks when it comes to readin’ people like me.  Here let me give you an example of how stupid these two are:  A week ago I saw Whiskey and Mr. Wheezy messin’ with them even AFTER I told all my employees that I was the only one with the honors of dishing out the boys’ punishments.  

 

The boys, they are so small and I only noticed what was going on cause Wheezy and Whiskey were in a corner huddled together instead of workin’.  When I walked over to ask them just what they thought they were doin’, I saw that Whiskey had soaked those two brats in alcohol and Wheezy was actin’ like he was gonna lit them on fire.  

 

Now, the last thing I cared about was them boys’ well-being, even though ...even though the sight of both  boys crying wasn’t … great ...well I did have kids at one point, alright?!  No, the reason why I stopped the torment was cause I won’t tolerate ANY of my employees ignoring my orders.  Makes me look soft and if I let those cretins, Wheezy and Whiskey,  get away with something like that then all my employees will try and walk all over me.  

 

I give Wheezy and Whiskey bathroom duty, it’s a disgustin’ job, cleaning up people’s vomit and piss, so it matches their personalities great, and not only that, I ordered them to clean the entire casino for a week and all the while  I scream out their punishment so everybody KNOWS not to mess with the two brats ...cause that’s my job.  

 

The two cowards rushed away, leaving me to deal with the two sniveling brats.  I didn’t feel bad for the two little twits even though they looked scared beyond reason and were holding each other.  It just that ...they smelled bad and their work clothes are ruined.  Yeah, I couldn’t have them in the casino for everybody to see.  Bad fer business, like I said, so I took them to my room, and let them clean themselves up and get into fresh clothes.

 

I even gave them a few minutes to get all the crying out of their systems and I may have told them something along the lines that if somebody is bothering them, let me know.  I’m not sure how I worded it, but those two idiots took it as a sign that I was their friend or pal or protector like that.

 

How stupid is that?  And because all I wanted to do was run a smooth business, those two follow me everywhere now.  They do all the jobs I order them to do, but as soon as they’re done, they follow me, like they are my shadows or somethin’.  

 

Even though it’s annoying, and I tell them they are bothering me every chance I get, I don’t shoo them anyway.  In a way I prefer them to be close to me.  I can keep an eye on them to make sure they ain’t doing anything they shouldn’t be doing.  See?  I’m all business, baby.  

 

And when we ain’t busy, they talk to me, like I’m interested in what they have to say.  I never tell them to shut it though.  Just in case they say something I can use against them if they start to get a little bit ...rebellious.  Nothing’s come up though, so I got to let them keep talkin’ till something does.  At the moment, they are babblin’ ‘bout their grandfather, Elder Kettle.  They keep tellin’ me stories about their lives with him and how they love him and how they miss him blah, blah, blah.

 

But that does remind me, I need to go out of the casino and into the town later this week.  Need to get a few ...personal things for myself.  I could use those two boys to carry my things home for me and maybe...ya know...on the way back, let see their grandfather.

 

...WHAT?!  If I let them see the old man, maybe they will finally shut up about him.

 

I AIN’T SOFT!

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Why are bad guys always in denial? ^_^


End file.
